you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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