just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
