By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
