the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's the barista slut.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
