His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
