This girl is more easily done than said...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
