Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
