hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
