Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
