She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
