he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
