i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
