We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
