i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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