I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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