i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
