Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize