Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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