She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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