There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
