How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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