I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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