I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
