I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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