I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
