i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
