got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
