he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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