just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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