I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
