I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
