At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
