I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
