I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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