Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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