I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
