You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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