Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
