I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm getting married
To pizza
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
