I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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