Redeem this text for a blowjob
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
