Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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