I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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