My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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