Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
