Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
