don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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