i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
