I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
