at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
