Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
