She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
