I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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