Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
