i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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