Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
