True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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