I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
