Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
