It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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