I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
