omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
