I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
