If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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