Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
