My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
