how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
