I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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