used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You took a bar mat shot.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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