Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize