I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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