the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
