Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
