He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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