My nipple is on Facebook.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
