From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
