i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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