I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
