She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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