so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am spending my child support on dildos
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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