It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
